I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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