Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
