You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
