we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
