So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just had sex bonerless
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
