I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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