the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
