went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
