The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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