new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
