I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
