is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
