I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
