your parents love me but you hate me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
50% drunk capacity currently
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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