genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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