I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
