he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
