we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
