Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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