K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
