I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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