On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize