If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
