I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
