Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
