Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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