How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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