I skipped work to stalk him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
