Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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