I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
