I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He shit in the fireplace
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
