she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
