I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
