where am i from again
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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