i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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