I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
