mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
