fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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