Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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