nut hugger
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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