I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
