Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
