Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
