Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
