just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
