youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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