My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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