Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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