When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
