I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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