i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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