Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
