please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
