it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
