I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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