Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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