The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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