i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
