i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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