i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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