i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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