I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
