Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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