He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
