You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
