You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
