dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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