hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
