My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
