So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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