dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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