He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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