Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
