I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
